A turn that takes you nowhere .. and everywhere ..

Tick Tock Tick Tock .. do you ever hear this in your head? And then you find yourself wondering “Where am I supposed to be today that this alarm is going off in my head?” 

I seem to always have so much I need to do and then I meander off into some unknown territory and only achieve half of what I originally intended.  Once upon a time I would have been so busy chastising myself over this; now, I simply think “must transfer that to tomorrow’s page of my diary”

Some things must be done no doubt but then so much that we think “must” be done really doesn’t need to be.  Ask yourself “Will the world stop turning if I don’t do (insert here)?” .. “Will nations crumble because I forgot to (insert here)”?  Do you really think that your own personal agenda items are of that much importance to the Universe? What an over-inflated importance we put upon ourselves at times.  I guess I probably sound like some hippy chick high on the euphoria of flower power right about now to some.  Closer to the truth I am a middle life ex-corporate, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, good-natured, hard-working, misfit but then I kind of like misfits so it’s all good.

More twists of circumstance and Universal turns of fate than a sudden mystical enlightenment have led me to how I now find myself thinking and what/who I am finding important and essential to my daily meander through this life.  If, as I sit myself down to rest of an evening, I can feel I have given of myself to add value to someone else’s day; I have found something ridiculous to laugh at; I have written; I have read; I have achieved perhaps at least one thing on my to do list and I have made someone smile or feel less alone, then I am considering that a pretty awesome day .. job well done! Snaps to me! Ha ha ha

There was a time when I wanted it all – the flash house, the fancy car, the great body, the “important” career , and I got it to a large extent; how strange that I still felt something was missing.  Then there were the countless times that I lost it all through love or stupidity, not mutually exclusive mind you; how strange that this was when I found myself.   Surprise, surprise, life actually went on and, as difficult as it may have been at the time, it did lead me to a new understanding that sits very comfortably with me.  Oh I still like the nice house, the comfortable furniture, the computer, the mobile phone, the (insert here); but now, if you take it all away from me, I simply reach for a pad and a pen and look for a way to manage to stay warm regardless. 

So my early morning wake up call this morning was a smile at the knowledge that I am a lucky girl indeed to now know without any shadow of a doubt that none of the “trappings” define me; nor do they impress me in others. In fact, when I see, hear or read people bragging about their “toys” or “wonder achievements” I actually find it rather boorish.  Share with me your joys, your compassion, your struggles, your moments of appreciation for being here, your pain, your love and I will ensconce myself enthusiastically in your story; brag to me, flash shiny photographs at me, blurb on about how awesome you are or any other generally tiresome endeavour to elevate yourself above the masses, some sad attempt that you may feel superior in some bourgeois way and, oh dear, I feel a yawn coming on.

I guess the upshot for me is that when the Universe decides to throw me another curve ball, instead of feeling “What else? Why me?” – which I still will momentarily because I am only human – but after my self indulgent piteous moment, then I might just sit quietly and ask myself “I wonder how much stronger I will become after this one? How much more centred? What new levels will I reach?” and simply embrace the challenge and look forward to the respective reward that will undoubtedly ensue.

Let’s Twist!

© Dianne Traynor 7 July 2012

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHQ_aTjXObs&feature=related