Meandering
aimlessly, the strangest of sensations came over me today like a truth rising
up to greet me …
“If we just
stop fighting the Turns, we actually feel… happy!” Who knew!?! Ha ha ha
Taking in
the cool breeze; relishing the warmth of the sun, I suddenly noticed how much I
appreciated the width of the streets here, the gum trees, the birds, the lake,
the fresh air. City girl born and bred,
I’ve lived in Regional Victoria for about ten years now and I’m still
“fighting” it; but today, for some unknown reason, instead of spending my
energy wishing I was somewhere else, I found myself thinking about all the fabulous
aspects of where I am.
So I began
to wonder, is it really that simple? If you just stop “fighting” what is; stop
wishing you were in another place; stop thinking if you were only someone else;
stop aching for that significant other; stopped wanting all the god damn time
and started appreciating the upside of what is, would you maintain this somewhat
euphoric state of happiness? Now I don’t mean stop dreaming because, for me,
dreams are a means to manifesting the “what is” of tomorrow but merely stop
downgrading today’s what is.
I considered
the notion that perhaps writing, apart from being the absolute best “feel good”
part of my day, is slowly transforming my analytical “have to question
everything” state of mind. My pen is
like my broom slowly sweeping away cobwebs of the “who I was” that hadn’t
really ever found what she was looking for which, of course, was merely a path
to becoming even more distanced from who I truly am.
All I can
say for sure is that I have spent a day of “Empty Mind”; empty of questions, of
wanting what isn’t yet available to me, of self criticism, yet a day of
complete pleasure.
“My God I’ve got
cuddly bits” became “I think I’ll relax, enjoy the day and go swimming tomorrow”
“I wish I
had someone in my life” became “Hhhhmmm, Sex and the City, seafood marinara
sounds good”
“I really
should wash the car” became a nice long deep nanny nap.
And it feels
great.
Coffee on
the porch as I write this, I leave you with this final pondering…
Perhaps we
can be “Empty” and “Full” at the same time… if we simply stop fighting the
turns.
© Dianne Traynor 2012
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