Sex and the turnaround

Monday morning and I find myself at one of my favourite cafes pondering a new era. The aroma of my breakfast being cooked wafts by as I watch a gentleman on his mobile phone oblivious to my enquiring stare.  It makes me think how times have changed since I was a girl.  Back then (in the dark ages my girl would say!) we made arrangements to meet friends; we were there when we said we would be, no ability to blow someone off at the last minute via text message.  Life seemed easier, more sincere; communication was more meaningful and face to face rather than text to text.

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology and would feel completely lost without it.  The internet has given me vast opportunities that would otherwise have been unavailable to me.  I have made amazing friends, both local and international; I have studied courses I would not have been able to attend; renewed contact with long lost friends that I would not have been able to find; heard music that I would not have heard; pursued creative endeavour; and … *drum roll* …

Entered the realm of Dating Sites! DAH DAH DAH

Now this is where the whole sex and the turnaround debate comes in.  With everything so available at the click of a button, and just as easily deleted, has sex become a disposable commodity as well?

Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in some sort of time warp; still walking across the oval, over the railway tracks, iceskates in hand, excited to see the boy of my dreams.  Sex was not what I was thinking about, it was the touch of his hand, his smile, his Adam’s apple, his laugh that would light up my day and make my heart skip a beat.  I miss the closeness, that indescribable feeling as fingers intertwine with mine.

Now obviously when you love someone it will lead to sexual relations and there is nothing that brings two people closer but it seems today that sex is right up there at the forefront of the conversation when you meet someone, rather than a natural progression through a loving relationship.  I often find myself wondering if I am a dinosaur when it comes to sex; you know, like an older staff member being forced to embrace change in the workplace due to technological advancement.  They like it the way it was and don’t want to change. Is it wrong to value the sanctity of lovemaking? Is it weird to think that giving yourself to someone is the ultimate declaration of how you feel? Am I so out of sync with the new world?

So okay, there are all sorts of sex:

·         One Night Stand

·         Making Love

·         Obligatory sex

·         Avoidance (feigning sleep .. yeah, go on, tell me you have never done that!)

And Oh Sweet Lord, don’t you know it’s “all over Rover” when you stay up watching television or reading a book or working on the computer hoping like hell that your partner falls sounds asleep before you drag your sorry tired ass to bed; I call that

·         Sad Sex

Of course today, we have the whole modern topic of “Friends with Benefits” or as some more eloquently put it “Fuck Buddies”… ah, the romance… Be still my heart! This is

·         Release Sex

... supposedly with no strings attached.  But is it really that simple? Or does it just become habitual?

I know women who claim to be all “down with it” and are happy to just “use” the guy; until, of course, he inevitably meets someone else. Then, as she weeps a river of tears wondering where she went wrong, the truth often reveals itself. You see, deep down in the dark depths of real and open honesty, she was hoping it would develop into more. 

Remember the old saying “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”; well some modern women think it is further South that counts and they think they will win his love through their sexual prowess... RAWR!   But honestly ladies, when it comes to the FWB gig, you are just a body with all the right bits in all the right places necessary for the release required at the time. I wonder what you guys REALLY feel about the girl? 

Can there really ever just be purely physical release with no emotional connection whatsoever in the evolved species? How many Friends with Benefits are we allowed at any given time? What are the rules? Are there any rules?

Call me old-fashioned, I want to be someone’s only. The partner that "gets" them; that shares that special part of them that no-one gets to share; to make them feel things that no-one else can make them feel. Am I a dreamer? I think I probably am.  And this my friends is why I have to take so many god damn long walks!!

This is Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with NO bad man between her thighs *sigh* … signing off “Just As I Am” and “Just As Confused”

© Dianne Traynor 2012