I have not visited for a while, there has been much going
on. But today I thought I might take a
stroll on the page and merely rattle off some random thoughts that have been
twisting and turning through my somewhat strange mind at times.
I find myself
questioning the theory that what we give out is what comes back to us. I want to believe this is true to an extent;
however I see so much contradiction of this very statement. I witness selfish people receiving accolades
and riches, living life seemingly without a care in the world whilst at the
same time I witness selfless people receiving heartache and hardship. Why? Surely in the giving people are not
deliberately drawing pain to themselves?
I am not sure where I stand on this whole thing. To remain positive is not always easy when
faced with trial upon trial upon trial and yet this is what we are told to
do. Pure chanting or repeating of a
mantra is not enough to "believe" deep down in your soul; it has to
be a part of your being, it must coarse through your veins on a constant basis
but how do we start the flow? Is it as simple as an acceptance that this is
what it is all about? I remember as a
child always being told "When you are not happy with your shoes, think of
the man with no feet" .. an early lesson in gratitude for what is I guess
but I am not sure that this is how it should be. Yes be grateful, no question there but surely
it is okay to wish for more, to want better for yourself and for those you love
and to question why what is, is. I am
not referring to self pity or wallowing, merely a healthy questioning. Surely
it is through questioning that we get answers, that we find a way when all
avenues seem blocked to us, that we reach out and seek .. and is not life all
about the seeking?
Then there is the "live in the now" train of
thought. This one I actually subscribe
to for I believe that every moment is a moment we cannot return to, as much as
we may try. If someone is loving me in
this moment then I am going to embrace it with all that I have for there may
not be another one. If a dragonfly comes
to visit, I am going to give thanks and watch him for a while for who knows
when he will return to my garden. If the
breeze is speaking to me upon my cheek, I am going to close my eyes and listen
for there is much wisdom in the quiet.
Yes, I definitely subscribe to living in this moment. It may be all we have.
What about the ego debate? That we cannot reach another
level of consciousness until we release
the ego. That everything fear based is
ego driven. Is the fear of not being
able to meet your bills, due to lack of income, ego based? Is the fear of not
being able to provide warmth and shelter for your family ego based? I don't
think so. And the strangest thing that I
have noticed is that all the "experts" writing on this theory are
living wealthy comfortable lives with lots of shiny toys, holiday homes, fancy
cars and inviting the individuals seeking inner growth to come stay at their
"resort" .. for a rather fat fee of course. If you were already in a state of wealth, and
truly wanted to help people, would you continue to charge what those who
truly need your help could not possibly afford? If your motives were completely
altruistic and pure that is.
Sometimes,I think I see life too simply. I watch some beautiful souls absolutely
giving of themselves and helping those less fortunate and my admiration is
immeasurable. I see others feeding off
the desperation of others, standing idly by or, even worse, being completely
ignorant of others' suffering and I feel a kind of numbness toward them. There is no anger anymore, just a questioning
of the differences in human nature.
Hhhmm, this has been a deep stroll for a Sunday morning ..
it must be time for coffee and to feel that breeze upon my cheek :)
Namaste, Dianne
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